Night 2 at home

[calrinet]

If any of yall are still checking reddit you might've seen my "First Night" post. https://www.reddit.com/r/daddit/comment ... t_at_home/
It was pretty dim. This post is a follow up to that one.

At around 9pm they took the baby to the nursery to do some checking up on this and that. He got back at like 10pm
At around 6:45am my MIL, who is staying with us to help with the baby, relieved me of duty and I went to sleep. She handled the morning until my wife woke up and helped. I slept until around 10:30 - 11am and then joined them.
Yesterday was a RUDE awakening. I thought being at home would make things better but last night was one of the worst nights I've ever had.

I slept a lot today. My MIL has been a huge help and some family came to visit so I was allowed to duck out while they took care of the baby.

It still sucked, but not as bad as Friday. I still have almost no appetite but it's easier to force myself to eat. I'm still exhausted all the time. But I don't loathe the baby as much. My anxiety still skyrockets when I hear him cry. I still feel so guilty that I'm having such a hard time when my wife is the one with the physical trauma, and she's handling it better than I am AND has to wake up to feed him even if it's my turn to keep watch so others can sleep.

I miss my wife. She's exactly the person I need right now and she isn't fully available. And I know I'm exactly the person she needs right now and I'm not fully available because of my stuff.

This is so freaking hard. If you made me experience this before we chose to have kids, I probably would've changed my mind. Everyone says it gets better, and I do believe that. I get that it might be 6 months of misery but 50+ years of love and happiness so the balance definitely trends positively, but none of that makes me feel any better right now.

I wish I was one of those super wealthy people who has a live-in nanny. Someone else, or a team of people, could take turns taking care of my screaming kid.

I know a lot of this sounds really messed up. But I find that in the hardest parts of my life, I write notes to myself so that in the future, when things have gotten better, I can read them and appreciate how much better things have gotten and appreciate what I have. I'm sharing this so that if any other dad's feel this way they can know they're not alone. I've tried to say the full brunt of what I'm feeling, not sugar coating anything, so that anyone else feeling this way can know that others feel the same.

Tonight I'm sitting at my computer once again, watching Big Bang Theory with my baby next to me in his portable bassinet thing. He is sleeping better. At 2-3am I'll go get my wife and she'll wake up, feed him, and take her turn for 3ish hours. Then she'll get her mom and she'll take her turn. Hopefully this'll work for us. And then hopefully this'll get easier and we can do less of this. Maybe even one day.... sleep through the night.

Good luck fellas.

[zataks]

I missed the other post but, are your turns just the person who will respond when the baby wakes up or are you guys staying awake watching him?

[calrinet]

We're taking turns "staying up" with him.

Basically I'm up right now from 12-3am. At that point my wife will wake up, feed him, and be up from 3-6, then she'll feed him again and her mom (who is staying with us) will take over from 6am until whenever we get up.

We're working on getting him into sleeping in our room in his bassinet. But for some reason he screams when he is in our room in his bassinet. But he seems to be okay with this portable bassinet we have and the other side of our house despite it being the same temperature and airflow and brightness and everything else we can think of. So right now he is in the portable bassinet INSIDE the real bassinet. And he is sleeping. Hopefully it'll work out tonight and he can get used to the real bassinet. Then we can try to put him in our room during the day while we're awake so he can get used to it and we are rested so he isn't keeping us up. At least, that is the plan.

[zataks]

Oof, that sounds brutal. Hang in there

[calrinet]

When he sleeps at night it is great. Right now I'm on the 12-3 shift, sitting at my computer watching Big Bang Theory while he sleeps in the adjoining room (think a formal living/dining room converted into an office). My wife did some pumping so I'll be able to feed him in about 40 minutes and that means she won't have to wake up until it is her shift at 3. Then her mom will able to take over at 6. And then we'll nap over the course of the day.

It isn't the worst. My wife and I are trying to pick up some of our normal routines and that has been really nice. It is something, and I'll take anything I can get.

[zataks]

That makes sense. When our first was little, we did something similar. We didn't have the third person to help but little guy would have a feeding then go down 'for the night'. I would stay up until midnight or so for his next feeding. My wife would get up earlier than me to get the first in the AM. This must have been after we were passed the every couple hours thing though. Hard to remember being almost 8 years ago.

[StoplightRave]

Our first night was pretty awful as well, just up all night screaming and not eating. Pediatrician came to our house the next day and reassured us that it was pretty normal - night 2 was a lot better, and after a few days things were a lot calmer