How you keep it going
Posted: 14 Jun 2023, 19:33
Dates and fun were so much more common pre-kids. I think it’d be wonderful if we could create an evolving list of things dads can do to keep the adult relationship taken care of while parenting.
An obvious one is planning dates. This doesn’t have to be dinner out or anything fancy (though that’s nice too!); on Memorial Day, my kids were occupied for a couple hours so my wife went on a hike along a nearby river canyon. We were tired and sweaty but we both needed exercise and it was nice doing something just for the two of us.
Either of us gets excited when the other plans a date into the weekly schedule. Also, yes, we have a weekly schedule for primarily childcare but all the other things life brings that get in the way of dates.
Another really simple and unsexy thing to do that I find helps a lot is picking a chore that she normally does and doing it. I saw a Brene Brown clip the other day where she talks about how marriages are never 50/50. Some days they might be close but on any given day they will swing more in one direction or the other. On those days where I know I have more than 50% to give, I like to grab something and get it done so it’s one less thing for her to worry about.
That follows my work philosophy too: don’t leave things for others to take care of; do your best so whoever is coming on next has an easy shift. I can’t always do that and sometimes I need her to do it for me, but it’s a nice way to show the love.
When we were dating, I would send her letters or leave a note on her windshield. Her job is on the way home for me when I go to the office but that’s maybe once a month. I’ve been meaning to do this though so maybe writing it here will cement some accountability.
Anyone want to add things they do to keep the relationship going positively?
An obvious one is planning dates. This doesn’t have to be dinner out or anything fancy (though that’s nice too!); on Memorial Day, my kids were occupied for a couple hours so my wife went on a hike along a nearby river canyon. We were tired and sweaty but we both needed exercise and it was nice doing something just for the two of us.
Either of us gets excited when the other plans a date into the weekly schedule. Also, yes, we have a weekly schedule for primarily childcare but all the other things life brings that get in the way of dates.
Another really simple and unsexy thing to do that I find helps a lot is picking a chore that she normally does and doing it. I saw a Brene Brown clip the other day where she talks about how marriages are never 50/50. Some days they might be close but on any given day they will swing more in one direction or the other. On those days where I know I have more than 50% to give, I like to grab something and get it done so it’s one less thing for her to worry about.
That follows my work philosophy too: don’t leave things for others to take care of; do your best so whoever is coming on next has an easy shift. I can’t always do that and sometimes I need her to do it for me, but it’s a nice way to show the love.
When we were dating, I would send her letters or leave a note on her windshield. Her job is on the way home for me when I go to the office but that’s maybe once a month. I’ve been meaning to do this though so maybe writing it here will cement some accountability.
Anyone want to add things they do to keep the relationship going positively?