Night 2 at home
Posted: 17 Jun 2023, 22:05
If any of yall are still checking reddit you might've seen my "First Night" post. https://www.reddit.com/r/daddit/comment ... t_at_home/
It was pretty dim. This post is a follow up to that one.
At around 9pm they took the baby to the nursery to do some checking up on this and that. He got back at like 10pm
At around 6:45am my MIL, who is staying with us to help with the baby, relieved me of duty and I went to sleep. She handled the morning until my wife woke up and helped. I slept until around 10:30 - 11am and then joined them.
Yesterday was a RUDE awakening. I thought being at home would make things better but last night was one of the worst nights I've ever had.
I slept a lot today. My MIL has been a huge help and some family came to visit so I was allowed to duck out while they took care of the baby.
It still sucked, but not as bad as Friday. I still have almost no appetite but it's easier to force myself to eat. I'm still exhausted all the time. But I don't loathe the baby as much. My anxiety still skyrockets when I hear him cry. I still feel so guilty that I'm having such a hard time when my wife is the one with the physical trauma, and she's handling it better than I am AND has to wake up to feed him even if it's my turn to keep watch so others can sleep.
I miss my wife. She's exactly the person I need right now and she isn't fully available. And I know I'm exactly the person she needs right now and I'm not fully available because of my stuff.
This is so freaking hard. If you made me experience this before we chose to have kids, I probably would've changed my mind. Everyone says it gets better, and I do believe that. I get that it might be 6 months of misery but 50+ years of love and happiness so the balance definitely trends positively, but none of that makes me feel any better right now.
I wish I was one of those super wealthy people who has a live-in nanny. Someone else, or a team of people, could take turns taking care of my screaming kid.
I know a lot of this sounds really messed up. But I find that in the hardest parts of my life, I write notes to myself so that in the future, when things have gotten better, I can read them and appreciate how much better things have gotten and appreciate what I have. I'm sharing this so that if any other dad's feel this way they can know they're not alone. I've tried to say the full brunt of what I'm feeling, not sugar coating anything, so that anyone else feeling this way can know that others feel the same.
Tonight I'm sitting at my computer once again, watching Big Bang Theory with my baby next to me in his portable bassinet thing. He is sleeping better. At 2-3am I'll go get my wife and she'll wake up, feed him, and take her turn for 3ish hours. Then she'll get her mom and she'll take her turn. Hopefully this'll work for us. And then hopefully this'll get easier and we can do less of this. Maybe even one day.... sleep through the night.
Good luck fellas.
It was pretty dim. This post is a follow up to that one.
At around 9pm they took the baby to the nursery to do some checking up on this and that. He got back at like 10pm
At around 6:45am my MIL, who is staying with us to help with the baby, relieved me of duty and I went to sleep. She handled the morning until my wife woke up and helped. I slept until around 10:30 - 11am and then joined them.
Yesterday was a RUDE awakening. I thought being at home would make things better but last night was one of the worst nights I've ever had.
I slept a lot today. My MIL has been a huge help and some family came to visit so I was allowed to duck out while they took care of the baby.
It still sucked, but not as bad as Friday. I still have almost no appetite but it's easier to force myself to eat. I'm still exhausted all the time. But I don't loathe the baby as much. My anxiety still skyrockets when I hear him cry. I still feel so guilty that I'm having such a hard time when my wife is the one with the physical trauma, and she's handling it better than I am AND has to wake up to feed him even if it's my turn to keep watch so others can sleep.
I miss my wife. She's exactly the person I need right now and she isn't fully available. And I know I'm exactly the person she needs right now and I'm not fully available because of my stuff.
This is so freaking hard. If you made me experience this before we chose to have kids, I probably would've changed my mind. Everyone says it gets better, and I do believe that. I get that it might be 6 months of misery but 50+ years of love and happiness so the balance definitely trends positively, but none of that makes me feel any better right now.
I wish I was one of those super wealthy people who has a live-in nanny. Someone else, or a team of people, could take turns taking care of my screaming kid.
I know a lot of this sounds really messed up. But I find that in the hardest parts of my life, I write notes to myself so that in the future, when things have gotten better, I can read them and appreciate how much better things have gotten and appreciate what I have. I'm sharing this so that if any other dad's feel this way they can know they're not alone. I've tried to say the full brunt of what I'm feeling, not sugar coating anything, so that anyone else feeling this way can know that others feel the same.
Tonight I'm sitting at my computer once again, watching Big Bang Theory with my baby next to me in his portable bassinet thing. He is sleeping better. At 2-3am I'll go get my wife and she'll wake up, feed him, and take her turn for 3ish hours. Then she'll get her mom and she'll take her turn. Hopefully this'll work for us. And then hopefully this'll get easier and we can do less of this. Maybe even one day.... sleep through the night.
Good luck fellas.